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Why are you Lonely?
This article is going to start a series based on the feeling of loneliness. The first obvious reason one may feel lonely is by being alone. If that is the case then the answer is simple: spend time with others. However, it is not that simple when people are surrounded by others and feel lonely. These articles are going to address the problem of feeling lonely in a crowd.
The first reason discussed for loneliness is based on the emotion of shame. The best illustration on what shame looks like comes from Adam and Eve in the Bible (Gen 3). Adam and Eve being naked meant more than they had no clothes on. It was the perfect marriage relationship where there was nothing to hide. Each person could see each other as they were and accept each other as they were. Then they disobeyed God eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The first thing they do after sinning is hide. The feeling of shame is based on the belief that if people knew the real me they would not accept me. This leads to hiding which are often in ways that are subtle. For example, people have a tendency to put on a facade and use superficial language such as, “I’m fine” which often is not true. After all, the belief is that people who not like the real them. this is no different that Adam and Eve hiding in the garden.
So how does shame relate to loneliness in a crowd? When people have shame they tend not to share their true self leaving a disconnect between themselves and others. That being stated, the best way to deal with shame based loneliness is to kill the shame. To kill shame one must be willing to share ones true self with those who are able to show mercy. Yes there are those who will not accept knowing people with all of their mistakes and flaws, but we are not going to share with them anyway. We are going to share with those who do accept us with our mistakes and destroy feelings of loneliness while being connected to others.
(Photo by Royalconstantinesociety on flickr.)
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